THE DESEXUALIZATION OF THE AMERICAN MARRIAGE/WAY TO LEAVE YOUR LOVING: UNMARRIAGE THERAPISTS AND VIDEO ADVISERS – MARITAL THERAPY
There is no research available documenting successful marital therapy. At best, researchers can identify “non-failures” in treatment programs. You will learn later how to treat your own sex and marital problems and how to select a professional helper if you need one. For now, do not go to a therapist who quotes “high success rates.” There is really no such thing. Therapists and therapy do not cure; people must heal their own relationships.
In spite of all marital advice available on television and from books, you are the only ones who know what you want and how to get it. There is probably too much communication in marriage, not too little, as therapists like to stress. We talk too much and sense too little. Therapists may tell you to talk more, listen more, use lotions, touch each other, or prescribe an array of supposedly “tested” techniques for improving sex in marriage. Unfortunately, these models are based on an incomplete perspective of the relationship between marriage and sex.
We are told that if we can find the right technique, if we can only “do something,” we can solve our problems. If I learned anything from observing these thousand “hardy” couples and the hundreds of others in my clinical experience, I have learned that marriage is first and foremost a system, the most complex of systems, and that it has been corrupted by the unquestioned acceptance of the “sex-perts” and their magic techniques for satisfaction.
The answer to any marital problem rests within, not without. It rests on understanding your unique system of interacting, independent of measures of vascular change, fluid discharge, orgasmic reflex, and communicational gimmicks. You will be learning a “super sex,” a way of interacting intimately that transcends the meeting of some historically imposed genital and orgasmic tradition.
Remember, if we chase a butterfly hard and fast, we will never eaten it. Perhaps if we learn to receive instead of achieve, we will be open to our own natural supersystem. The butterfly will light î our shoulder.
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