Antidepressants Blog

These attitudes are not peculiar to old people, many middle-aged and young people seek power and status, often by devious and cruel means. Why should we expect old people to be different? In old age, people most often behave as they did when they were younger. Societal attitudes which emphasize ownership, greed, selfishness, and deceit can hardly be expected to produce old saints out of middle-aged ruthless, grasping entrepreneurs. If you were a middle-aged delinquent, you may grow into a senile delinquent.

It is also true that some old people become disabled or ill and have to be in hospital, although it is a myth that the majority of old people live in hospitals, nursing homes, or old folks’ homes. As far as hospitals are concerned, studies in Britain have shown that, in 1973, about half of the hospital beds available were occupied by people over the age of 65. However, three-quarters of them were in ‘acute’ medical or surgical beds and most would be discharged from hospital after a short time. A quarter were occupying ‘chronic’ beds, but even in this case many of the people could be cared for at home if there were appropriate community services and, more importantly, help from other elderly people. Most of them would be happier and more independent at home.

If he is able to recognize these problems and is flexible enough to adjust to them, he will emerge from the crisis of middle age with greater insight. He will be able to create new dreams and visions, he will become curious about life and about living. He will become more of an individual and less of a stereotype.

Escape from the crisis of middle age begins when the man begins to realize that status and possessions are less important than warm, giving relationships. In many cases it may mean that he and his wife (or his permanent partner) will have to recognize each other as individuals, not as stereotypes who fit into conventional sex-roles and never stray from them. It may mean that he will have to renegotiate his relationships. This may not be easy as, over the years, his wife may have had much of her self-esteem taken from her. She may have become depressed and have let herself go physically because her husband has failed to see her as an individual. Alternatively, she may have realized that her man is petulant, boorish, and selfish, perhaps an alcoholic or a workaholic, and she has had to work hard to keep the relationship going.

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Small warts, which may be in a single cluster, but more usually are in multiple clusters covering large areas of skin around the genitals, are not uncommon. Women seem to be more affected than men, but as the disease is sexually transmitted, both sexes are affected.

The warts develop when a virus enters the skin through an invisible abrasion, which occurs during the movements of sexual intercourse. Once within the skin (or in the thinner mucous membrane of a woman’s vagina), the virus lies dormant and only starts multiplying after two or three months. When it does, warts form.

They are more common in people between the ages of 18 and 25. In men they are found on the foreskin, or, in circumcised men, on the skin edge just beneath the glans of the penis. But they can grow in other moist areas, and are around the anus in people who enjoy anal intercourse.

Impotence is an unfortunate term as it implies that the man is a complete sexual failure. This is not necessarily true, as apart from his inability to achieve an erection, the man may be as sexually successful as previously. He may be ableto show affection, to enjoy body contact, and to relate to his partner sexually, except for his particular disability. However, the word impotence has become embedded in the language, and continues to be used. Impotence may affect men of all ages, of all classes, and of all races: it can affect a bishop or a butcher, a doctor or a docker, a lawyer or a lecher. The degree of impotence and the time when it occurs during sexual arousal are quite variable. At some time or other, under some special condition, most men fail to get an erection, despite sexual arousal. The problem does not last long and should cause no concern. It becomes serious when the man fails to get an erection even with the most sexually arousing pleasuring, or when he gets an erection when sexually aroused, only to lose it when he tries to have intercourse. Some men can get an erection with one woman, and fail to do so with another woman. Some men can get an erection by masturbating, or during oral sex, but cannot when they try to have sexual intercourse. This can be enormously frustrating to both partners

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To be an effective helper, the man must have some knowledge of the stresses on his wife and should try and reduce them by his compassion and his help. He can share the shopping and do the house-cleaning. He can reassure and cuddle his wife. He can take over the baby and cuddle it when its cry is not for food, but for body comfort.

A large number of women wrote to me in response to a request for information about the problems they had experienced when adjusting to parenthood. Those who had found the adjustment easy had had the help of an informed, co-operative husband or had had a female relative who was close to them. Those who had found the adjustment hardest and who, often, had had quite severe depression, had a husband who had refused to help and who had made selfish demands, expecting the woman to entertain, to be im
maculately coiffured and dressed, to have food ready when he wanted it, and to cope with the baby’s demands at all times.

The lesson is clear. The pregnancy occurred when you made love jointly, the care of the baby is a joint responsibility, and a loving man would make sure that he knew how to help, and did help.

There is a further point, which is important for the development of the child. If the child sees, from its earliest weeks, that its father and mother have a sharing relationship, it will in turn be able to form such a relationship with others, and the alienization of so many children will be avoided. Anti-social behaviour of children is often modelled on the anti-social behaviour of parents.

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